The Morning of Christmas

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*This is actually a little story my dad wrote several years ago and my mom recently found. It’s a parody and an homage to the Christmas classic “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. I’d like to share with you all now, instead of waiting.

Twas the morning of Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (we have cats). The stockings were stuffed, hung by the chimney with care because St. Nicholas had already been here. I laid in my bed all snug in my cap when outside I hear My dogs start to yap. I sprang from my bed to look out the window, you see, and I couldn’t believe what was in my yard and stretched out before me.

Twas the jolly old Elf and eight reindeer. His sleigh was broken with a worn out gear (it was a stick shift). So there I stood In my shorts and socks, thinking how oddly it is when opportunity knocks.

The Christmas bills The old Elf had left was more than one person could comfortably heft. I was looking for vengeance, that bright winter morn. A plan had never had the time to get born.

I ran to my room to get my old shotgun (both barrels!). I ran through the house and through the back room, burst through the back door and yelled:

“Now get ready for the BOOM!”

The old Elf’s jaw hit the snow and he yelled to the deer:

“Let’s get the @!#$ out of here!”

The deer took off running, dragging the sleigh and old Chubby was getting drug the whole darn way (while holding up his pants). They took to the air, clocked at Mach 2. Santa yelled (and shook his fist):

“I’ll get even with you!”

I stood in the snow and let go a grin, knowing Santa had adrenaline pumping within. Yes, he was being dragged through the cold morning air, the snow in his whiskers and the wind in his hair. His butt crack was showing as he flew out of sight. I yelled:

“Merry Christmas to you and to you a good night!”

*And I now know where I get my odd sense of humor from. 😉

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10 responses »

  1. This gave me a laugh! I love your sense of humor, and your dad’s, too. 🙂 And I see that being a good writer runs in your family.

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